I recently found a name for the condition which has plagued me all of my life…

(From Steve Pavlina.com)

“One obstacle that traps a lot of highly conscious people is what Erin and I call Lightworker Syndrome.  This is what happens when someone wakes up to a higher level of consciousness, but they can’t figure out how to live on purpose and feed themselves at the same time.  Such people have a lot of trouble staying connected to higher levels of consciousness while also remaining solidly grounded in the physical world.  Many of them get so frustrated with the experience they become depressed and have feelings of wanting to give up and just “go home” (i.e. return to the nonphysical world).”

Hello! Me me me *puts hand up*…

Spiritual connectedness vs. physical groundedness

“These troubled lightworkers often feel they must compromise:  either stay connected up top and be totally ungrounded, or lose that higher connection and become more grounded.  But this is a really tough compromise, so many of them oscillate back and forth, never quite sure which is the right way to go.

Consequently, these lightworkers either do empty work they don’t enjoy but which pays OK, or they do purpose-centered work that hardly pays anything.  They end up sacrificing either their purpose or their income, since it’s very, very challenging to satisfy both at the same time.  But this either-or decision takes a toll in the long run.  It’s hard to stay on purpose if you’re worried about paying the rent, and it’s hard to generate good income if your work doesn’t inspire you”.

Story of my life!

Fearing your own power

“The reason you can’t maintain your stable connection to Source AND remain grounded at the same time is that you’re afraid of what it will mean if you succeed…”

“I know a lot of would-be lightworkers are concerned they can’t make a living pursuing their purpose.  I didn’t have that problem though.  I felt confident I could make a living at it somehow.  What really held me back was whether I felt comfortable doing it at all.  My real fear was:  What’s going to happen if this actually works?  What if I succeed?”

“Whenever I see a broke lightworker, I invariably see an underlying fear of success. “

“I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “With great power comes great responsibility.”  And that is exactly what lightworker syndrome sufferers fear most.  They fear that if they actually succeed, they’ll have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders.”

Overcoming fear of responsibility

“I admitted to myself that I had the internal resources to be doing much better, but I was holding myself back.  I knew I wasn’t doing my best, but why not?  I wasn’t doing my best because I wasn’t ready to accept the consequences of doing my best.

If I really did my best, I’d have a bigger impact.  I’d draw a lot of people to me.  I’d end up with a lot of responsibility.  Scary.”

Position vs. power

“If I don’t exercise my power, it doesn’t mean I’m powerless.  It just means I’m inactive.

I thought to myself, “Crap!  I’ve been thinking all this time that I’m staving off power (and thus responsibility) by declining to act.  But all I’m really doing is giving up control.  If I have the potential, then I have the power, which means I have the responsibility too, whether I act on it or not.”  Failure to act does NOT relieve one of responsibility.

It was then that I had an epiphany.  I realized I could never escape responsibility by failing to act.  The only thing I could escape was control.  This is why I say you can give up control but never responsibility.  Responsibility is a given.”

The epiphanies keep coming…