My refusal to work in retail this season paid off! Sure- I had to work in a gentlemen’s club instead, but at least they closed over the break so I could spend Christmas with my family in Sydney!
…this also meant that I could afford to buy Christmas presents, for the first time in the four years since I’ve been a university student.
So yeah, Christmas was good. But rather than boring you with our happy holiday stories, here is the plot from an old South Park episode, entitled “Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo”… for some reason I thought it was appropriate…
“This Christmas-themed episode of South Park opens as the children rehearse their Christmas play. They are performing a Christian Nativity, and when Kyle’s mother hears of this, she is angered by the play, because her son, a Jew, plays the role of Joseph. Mrs. Broflovski is offended by the Christian imagery, and demands that the religious elements be taken out of the public school Christmas pageant. Kyle suggests they celebrate Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo as a non-religious substitute, but since he is the only one who believes in Mr. Hankey, his suggestion is rejected.
Mrs. Broflovski’s demands trigger uproar in the town, and so it is decided that anything offensive to anyone will be removed from the Christmas celebrations, including Santa Claus, wreaths, trees, stars, lights, and candy canes. Kyle is embarrassed by his mother’s actions, and turns to Mr. Hankey for solace, who, it turns out, is a real-life talking piece of poo. Kyle tries to introduce Mr. Hankey to the masses, but no one believes in him, and most are in fact horrified at the idea of a talking piece of poo. Kyle’s efforts result in mishaps, such as flinging Mr. Hankey (who looks like a normal piece of feces to everyone else) at Cartman and slipping feces into Mr. Mackey’s coffee. Mr. Mackey declares Kyle a “clinically depressed fecalphiliac on Prozac” and Kyle’s friends have him committed.
Ultimately, the school Christmas pageant is stripped of all semblance of Christmas, as anything that does resemble Christmas is deemed offensive by someone. Instead, the children present a minimalist song and dance created by Philip Glass. The parents, astounded by how awful the pageant is, begin blaming one another for destroying Christmas, and a fight breaks out. Finally, Mr. Hankey reveals himself to everyone, and scolds everyone, saying that in spending so much time trying to find what’s wrong with Christmas, they forgot everything that was “so right about it” — singing songs, cookies and goodwill towards men. The townspeople release Kyle from the asylum and apologize, and they all watch Mr. Hankey fly away with Santa Claus”.
…And here is a humorous video of Jesus and Santa singing Christmas carols.